I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
