I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
