He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
