question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
