we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
