I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
