I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
