Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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