That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
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When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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