She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
then he tried to convert me to islam
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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