I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
After last night, I could never be a politician.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
