Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
