I just cut my nipple shaving
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
