Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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