Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
