I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
