After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Randomize
