It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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