K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
