I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
