If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
