How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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