It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
