Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
