I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
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Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
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Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
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