I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Say something about gay babies.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
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there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
you made out with another girl for some wings
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