he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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