you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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