Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
