you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
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I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
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