it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
