im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
