I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
