So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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