I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
