Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
