im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize