I'm lost and stupid without you.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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