Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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