By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
