This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
