Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
