i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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