just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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