Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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