you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
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I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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