why didn't you poke me back
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
