the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
