He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
just tell him i said nine months
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
