kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
