It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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