Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
