I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
