Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
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When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
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