i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
