His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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