you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
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