I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
