I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
last night I used snow as a chaser
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
