We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
