and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
