you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
