She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
