sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
