Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
