I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
