There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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