No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
