maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
