so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Randomize
