Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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