im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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