Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
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Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
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You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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