well I can't set my house on fire every night
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
