It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
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