that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
