So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
