And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
