i wish there were pregnant emoticons
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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