i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
