Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
