i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
