Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
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And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
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Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm bleeding and have questions
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